Please...scream louder

Well little Zachary has had a rough few weeks but the other day was a real woozie. I seriously thought his screaming and meltdowns couldn’t get any worse. It did. On our way home from school Friday I pulled out of the kiss n’ ride and he started crying about his seat belt not feeling right. Joshua who knows all to well when things “don’t feel right” tried fixing his belt. The screaming and crying got louder as he complained it was twisted. It wasn’t. But to a child on the spectrum it doesn’t matter if we don’t see it twisted. He feels it and can’t cope. Just before we got to our house Joshua adjusted it again. I park the car in the driveway and all hell breaks loose as he starts screaming for me to turn around and go back we have to start all over. He kicks the seat infront of his and gets hysterical when I tell him we can’t go back.

I will let you in on a secret. When Joshua was about the same age if I did not take the exact route home every day the same thing would occur and he would beg through his screaming and tears to please go back and start again because it wasn’t right. This was before I knew anything was wrong and felt as though I somehow did something to distress my own child that yes, I would actually turn around and start all over just so I wouldn’t have to deal with a two hour meltdown. Thankfully gas was cheaper then!

After about fifteen minutes of Zachary still in the car hitting me, screaming and refusing to let me take his seat belt off I finally got him into the house where he screamed, ripped up a picture he had done in school, and then ran out of the house screaming for me to take him back and start again. I brought him back in only to have a meltdown of swearing, throwing things, hitting me, scratching, jumping up and down and begging me to please take him back. Finally he was exusted after about an hour of this and started banging his head on the chair as he rocked back and forth with his blankie. My 6 year old daughter Arielle and 7 year old son Sebastian were happy he finally had stopped and came downstairs out of hiding.

It can be difficult some days - okay most days - but as my little Ryley continued to sleep through it all, and my other 4 sat around Zachary (not too close of course) to listen as I read Zaks library book “Franklin and the dark” I realized that I couldn’t have asked for 6 better children.

Mommy Fashion Flunkie

The other night I was talking to an old friend of mine and found out she is modelling. Even though she is so very pretty, she does have a 7 month old for goodness sake! I was amazed and, yes, so jealous.

I used to be pretty fashion savy up until about my 3rd child. Oh yeah, I had it all. Sexy nighties (how else do you think I managed to have so many darn children!), designer outfits, cool boots, the works. I always looked good - well at least I thought so. Somewhere though between the 3rd and 6th child my wardrobe started replacing itself. Suddenly I didn’t care if my face was made up, if my socks matched, or even if my hair was washed. I just cared about making it through the day without going bonkers. I had truly become a mommy fashion flunkie. I could actually become a model for all mothers out there only this is what I would be modeling:

Pyjamas that have been worn for a few days - wrinkled is the new in.

Tops that have various bodily functions embedded in them. Lets face it after a few days the smell just blends in with the rest of your body odour.

Stained clothing is actually what I call mommy tie dye.

Baggy capris are my new best friend.

Elastic waist jeans are not just for toddlers.

Who says maternity clothing is just for pregnancy?

My husbands tee’s are now mine.

As for my hair I haven’t any. Over the years I have pulled it all out.

Any other mommy fashion flunkies out there? I would love to hear from you!

YES! They are all mine

Confession # 1: I was one of those women, who looked at your children misbehaving and swore I would never allow my children to behave in that manner. That was before I had my six (brats) children.

“Are they all yours?” this is the question I get asked on a daily basis by random people who just happen to see me with six children. After a while I get tired of it and start giving the following responses:

“No I found them on the street.”

“What children?”

“Holy shit! Where did they come from?”

“Why? Do you want them?”

Seriously though, what kind of question is that? If I only had three children hanging on to me, you wouldn’t ask. So let’s get it straight here. For the record, yes, they are all mine. Yes they all have the same father. Yes, I actually gave birth to all of them, and no, the three year old brute was not a mistake.

I realize that having more than 4 children is not the norm these days. Heck having more than two isn’t, but this is my reality so bugger off and stop being so rude!

That being said you may ask yourself what makes me so special just because I have six children. Well for starters, as mentioned they are all mine from my first and only marriage (so far). Second, I have two children that are autistic, and three, my husband is never here. Yeah, yeah I know most husbands are not here with you (at least emotionally) but they are with you physically, even if they can’t remember how many children you have or their names, but we’ll get to that later.

My husband is only here about every three months or so because he runs a business out of the Province, but I am okay with this arrangement and why shouldn’t I be? I get money when I want it, and when he finally gets his butt home I have long delicious sex - when I feel like it. But most importantly, I am not expected to have some fabulous dinner every night at the table waiting for my great husband to come home after a long hard day at work and say “Honey you are too good to be true.” Damn right I am!

Finally what makes me special is that I am real. I am a wife, a mother of 6, an advocate for all my children, and a bitch with a capital B!

Missed Memo

Somewhere between the first and sixth child I missed out on getting a really important memo:

Dear crazy lady

Now that you have officially made the decision to become a mother there is something you should know – NO SICK DAYS PERMITTED. No typo, just pure fact crazy lady. You may never ever get sick.On the other hand, your husband may do so as many times as he likes. As well, while he is sick he may suck it up for all it’s worth, act like a baby (what is another one anyway?) lay down and moan all day, be served chicken noodle soup, tea, whatever he wants. In bed or on the sofa of course, where he will be in charge of the remote control so he may watch whatever he wants on the boob tube.

On the other hand, you crazy lady, may not get sick, if do so you will still be in charge of waking up the children in the morning, feeding them, getting them to school, cleaning the house, making sure all the laundry is completed (that means folded and put away) pick the children up from school, give them a snack, help with homework, and ensure that dinner is on the table on time.

If you are fortunate enough to have the children in bed on time, then my crazy lady you may take a few minutes to wallow in self pity on how you are ill and go to bed.Thank you for your time and co-operation,Sincerely Management for crazy ladies.

Did all you other moms out there miss the memo? How do you deal with sick days?

Parenting Column

I have always wondered how “Parenting experts” actually get that title. Seriously what makes them experts? Is it the fact that they have children, or that they are a Doctor, a psychologist? So if I have more than one dog would that make me an expert? Well I have always wanted to have my own parenting advice column and considering I have six children maybe that makes me an expert. I really don’t think so, but I do believe that I have lots of experience and advice that I could offer. Here is an example of what my column might look like:

Dear 6packmom

My eleven year old daughter refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and when she finally does get up, she is grumpy and rude to everyone. Do you have any suggestions for helping her have a better attitude in the mornings?

CL

Dear CL

Have you examined what time she is going to bed? Although she may not appear to be tired when it is time for lights out, perhaps you need to adjust her bedtime for half an hour earlier. Her refusal to get out of bed may indicate another type of problem altogether. Perhaps she is attempting to avoid going to school. Is she finding a particular subject too hard? Has she has a disagreement with a friend? Friendship issues can be very complex at this age. I would suggest seizing the moment when she is a good mood, to sit down and talk to her. Explain to her that you are concerned about her behaviour in the mornings and ask her if there is anything you can do to help. If nothing comes about from talking to her, or setting an earlier bedtime, then perhaps the old method of a cup of water on the head would be a better option?

Dear 6packmom

My children refuse to eat what I set out for them at dinner time. Any suggestions?

LK

Dear LK

Have you actually taken a good look at what you are serving? Have you yourself eaten it? If you answered yes to both and still feel your cooking is good then here are a few suggestions.Inform your children that if they do not wish to eat their dinner then you will undress right there at the table. Trust me, the thought of their mother naked will get them gobbling up anything that may be on their plate! Just be sure to follow through on that threat however.If you are not prepared to get naked, then maybe serve dinner buffet style. Most children are more willing to eat if they have a few options rather than being told what they have to eat.Do not force them to “clean their plate” so called parenting experts suggest that by doing so you may actually enforce bad eating habbits and attitudes which may lead to eating issues later on in life.If all else fails just let them be. Do not allow them to leave the table until everyone else is done eating. They won’t starve.

LOL Have any questions you want to shoot my way? I will be more than happy to answer and offer what I can.

Till next time, Momof6